When I was very little
All the Grandmas that I knew
Were wearing the same kind...
Of ugly grandma shoes.
You know the kind I mean...
Clunky heeled, black, lace-up kind,
They just looked so very awful
That it weighed upon my mind,
For I knew, when I grew old,
I'd have to wear those shoes,
I'd think of that, from time to time,
It seemed like such bad news.
I never was a rebel,
I wore saddle shoes to school,
And next came ballerinas
Then the sandals, pretty cool.
And then came spikes with pointed toes,
Then platforms, very tall...
As each new fashion came along
I wore them, one and all.
But always in the distance,
Looming in my future there,
Was that awful pair of ugly shoes...
The kind that Grandmas wear.
I eventually got married
And then I became a Mom...
Our kids grew up and left,
And when their children came along...
I knew I was a Grandma
And the time was drawing near
When those clunky, black, old lace up shoes
Was what I'd have to wear.
How would I do my gardening
Or take my morning hike?
I couldn't even think about
How I would ride my bike!
But fashions kept evolving
And one day I realized
That the shape of things to come
Was changing right before my eyes.
And now, when I go shopping...
What I see fills me with glee,
For, in my jeans and tennies
I'm as comfy as can be.
And I look at all these little girls
And there upon their feet...
Are clunky, black, old Grandma shoes,
And I think that's really neat.
© August 1999 Betty Cessna
I painted an evening sky of deepest velvet blue...
then touched the stars with brightest gold,
and a speck of silver too...
I blended in the dawn's first light -
and a touch of morning dew...
then added strokes of deepest red
to paint a heart that's true.
I eased in the gentleness
of an early Morning Dove...
then filled my brush with whitest-white,
to paint an innocent love.
I streaked a bit of thunder
and a lightening bolt or two...
then painted in a teardrop
of the palest crystal-blue.
I gave it all a magic wash
and then stepped back to view...
and what I saw I'd painted...
was a Portrait much like you!
I dwell like a pool... reflective and deep,
And far 'neath the surface, my "true self" I keep.
So long as your reasons are false and untrue...
I'll keep myself distant and hidden from you.
Strike my surface in anger... my flow re-arrange...
But my depths are unmoved, and my heart you can't change.
Bend over the pool... and as most people do...
Look shallow - look quick... and you'll see only "you".
But if deeper you'd search and thoughtful you'd be...
You'd look beyond "self"... then you could see me.
The answer's so simple - just trace back my Source...
I'm a matter of Truth - not a question of force.
T’was through a long and restless night that... just like in a book,
I heard a noise, soft rustling sound, that made me turn and look.
Before my very eyes, just then... for only me to see….
A Circle of Light - Wings moist from flight...this Vision came to me.
( Be still, my heart, and do not faint, but ever steady stand…)
( I know not how - yet somehow know it’s a ‘friend’ who takes my hand! )
We walked through the Valley, just this Angel and me…
Through white drifts piled high with flakes of eternity.
We came to rest awhile on Fate’s lonely beach…
And watched life go floating by like ships just out of reach.
Then on to lush green meadows, which seemed to be our goal…
and there amid God’s beauty... She healed my wounded soul.
( Is this a dream - I be not sure…. )
( and if it is - will there be more? )
“No… we had our time, child, you and I - you know what I say is so…
“You were so small and life was hard...and then, you needed me.
But the time comes near for us to part - and you must let me go.”
But you’ve grown up, found Strength & Truth...now it will set us free.”
“You were so small and life was hard...and then, you needed me.
So here it was - in this place...more strange than any other
that I, at last, saw her face…the Angel was my Mother!
We climbed the Mountain of Memories... it was here she said she must stay,
but she wrapped me in Wings - told me wonderful things, before sending me on my way.
She led me again to the Circle, back from whence I came…
I passed beyond Remembrance - and a longing that had no name.
As I traveled through the vastness - watching the clouds unfurl…
This whisper lingered on my ear....... ( “You’ll always be my girl.”)
Once Upon A Lie
My head was saying ‘not so fast’…
You really must ‘beware’…
But I was listening with my heart,
believing he did care.
He told me I was everything
he thought of as ‘ideal’.
He led me to a ‘dream-world’
that I mistook for 'real’.
He touched me in such special ways
I’d never known before…
He held my heart and searched my soul
and opened every door.
Then, inch-by-inch, I noticed
that the ‘stories’ he would tell
didn’t match the first ones
and weren’t 'adding up’ so well.
He wasn’t who he’d said he was,
He mislead me all the way.
Too late now - it has gone too far…
And I have the price to pay.
It has cost me all my confidence,
my trust and 'sense of fair’….
I was living in a ‘dream-world’
and was violated there.
I feel so diminished..........
so de-valued and depressed.
No "self-esteem" or "sense of worth",
…just betrayed and so distressed.
The heart he’d held is broken
and the soul he’d searched has died.
I’ve lost all sense of self-respect…
…all "dignity and pride".
This isn’t how he said it would be,
misleading me every day…
Now I still have to live with myself
while he can just walk away.
He has another place to go,
He has another "life"…
And in that “other world" of his,
I've learned - he has a wife!
I think I understand it now,
This ‘story’ isn’t new…
He broke my heart in a thousand ways
while simply “passing through”.
That wasn’t how he told it to be,
Misleading me every day…
I now have a thousand wounds to mend
While he can just walk away.
No, it isn’t how he said it would be,
I remember now, as I cry…
But his whole story could have been be called:
“Once Upon A Lie”
It hasn't been an easy time, I'm feeling a little blue...
Now I need to be alone awhile, to sit and think things through.
My mind is like my attic where everything is kept...
And it's become a jumbled heap, in need of being swept.
Some thoughts of us are stacked up here, and more piled over there...
Still other bits and pieces are just scattered everywhere.
Some still "new" and in fair shape, some are rather "dusty"...
Some still "fit", some "outgrown" and some entirely "musty".
I need to straighten it all up and clean the cobwebs out...
I need to find what's really here and what's it's all about.
It hasn't been an easy time, sorting "me and you"...
Excuse me please, I have to go...there's still much work to do!